Ain't Gonna Lose You
by itainthardtryin
Summary: Emily finally finds out why Naomi has been acting so strange. Spoilers for Skins: Fire episode 1. Trigger warning. One shot. Complete.


It's been five days since she got back from New York City and Emily expected life to be a bit more exciting. A little more loved up. A little more... sexy. It's been so long since she seen Naomi, that she thought they'd be inseparable from the moment she landed in London. But the thing is, Emily felt closer to Naomi when they were thousands of miles apart than when she's right next to her.

It's like Naomi's there in body, but not in spirit and Emily's starting to get pretty fucking annoyed.

It's been over six months since they had a date together in person and Naomi hasn't even so much as hinted that they'd be doing anything remotely romantic any time in the not too distant future.

It's been building and building and Emily can feel it reach the surface. She's lying beside Naomi, just the two of them in bed together, but she feels like she may as well be lying there alone. The room feels empty. Naomi looks empty.

"Naomi," Emily whispers into the dark. She doesn't really think she even expects a reply.

"Yeah?" she hears in Naomi's quietest, most delicate tone seconds later.

"Are we okay?" She isn't sure she wants to know the answer. "It's just... since I got back you've been acting really... weird."

Silence.

It draws on for too long. It makes Emily's heart beat double speed. It makes her heart stop.

"Em..." Naomi starts. "It's just..." Her voice breaks. "Fuck, this is hard."

"Naomi, I'm your girlfriend," Emily says, sitting up on one elbow and turning on the bedside light. "Just tell me," she says sympathetically. As soon as she sees Naomi's face in the light, she can see how broken she is. Her blood runs cold at the sight. Naomi pushes herself up on her elbows, and looks at her. Tears are already making their way down Naomi's cheeks and she's making no effort to wipe them away or control them.

A sob breaks from Naomi's chest as she chokes out the one word that Emily never wanted to hear in her life. "Cancer."

It's the quietest and loudest word Emily's ever heard. Nothing else matters. The would narrows to this person in front of her. There is nothing to her left, nothing to her right. Nothing behind, nothing ahead. Just Naomi.

"I've got cancer, Emily," Naomi chokes out again and Emily can feel how much it's hurting her to say the words.

"You've got..." Emily tries to say it but she can't. The words get lodged in her throat. She doesn't know what to say or do. Suddenly, everything seems numbered. Every second spent with Naomi is counting down to... something she doesn't want to think about. Naomi is just looking at her, crying like Emily has never seen someone cry before. It isn't dramatic or over the top. It's quiet and broken and coming from the very deepest parts of her.

Emily just wants to hold her. So she leans forward and takes her girlfriend in her arms, letting her cry. When Emily's face is out of view of Naomi, she lets herself cry too.

She might be crazy for thinking it, but Naomi feels different in her arms. Smaller, more fragile. It might be her head making her think it, but another more logical part of her realises that, the only physical contact they've had in the past six months was a hug at the airport. Emily wonders if, with all the excitement of seeing Naomi again, she missed something important that she should have noticed right away.

Naomi is the first to pull away and Emily is reluctant to let go. She wants to keep Naomi in her arms for as long as she can. She doesn't know how much longer she's going to be able to do that.

"You'll stay with me?" Naomi asks and it breaks Emily's heart that she even doubts it. "Right?"

"I'm right here," Emily reassures.

"Promise?" Naomi's voice is weak.

Emily leans forward again, this time placing her lips softly on Naomi's. As soon as she does, she can feel Naomi calm down and sigh gently at the feeling. For Emily it feels like home, it always has. And in this moment, she's sure Naomi feels the same way.

Emily suddenly realises that she has a million questions to ask. She pulls back, but takes Naomi's hand in her own, wanting to be connected to her somehow. "You're getting treatment?"

Naomi reaches up to wipe away a tear from her cheek, but Emily beats her to it and does it for her. She wipes the tears from her other cheek too and Naomi half laughs at how delicate Emily is being with her. "I have options."

"Options."

"Chemo," Naomi starts and the word makes Emily's stomach drop. "They said that's the most likely to be successful."

"What else?"

"Radiotherapy. Surgery. But none of them are guaranteed." Emily hears what Naomi is really saying. _Even with treatment there's a possibility I could die._

"I'll support whatever you decide," Emily tells her. "As long as you try."

Naomi's face breaks into a sad smile. "Em," she says. "I told you once that I'd die for you. But what I didn't say is that I'd live for you, too."


End file.
